The introverted worshipper

OK, I'm going to write some more towards the why of this project and talk about being an introvert - I am just thinking out loud so don't be a hater - but this is something I have wondered a lot about over the past few years and one of the reasons I have found my way to this project and why I think there is value in this project, but this is the first time I have tried to put words to it.

So if you have been to any kind or work training or counselling or been on Facebook in the last 15 years than you have probably done one of these personality tests which tells you whether you are in introvert or an extrovert and what that means in terms of your personality.

I am your classic introvert. And I am acutely aware of my introversion as a Christian and even more so as a Christian who has been part of different charismatic churches for the past 10 or so years. And although I have slowly come to terms with this I am still concious of  it and would argue that a lot of church activity (evangelism, outreach, prayer, corporate worship, etc) is geared towards extroverts. And I have tried to get over my introvertedness. I have tried for the sake of belonging and being involved and stepping out but there is a point where I can only be myself, I can only be the person God has created me to be. As if introverts should have to apologise anyway?!...

If I am honest though, prayer is something I find hard to do in a group and wish I was better at. I'm not the kind of person who can find the words easily in the moment. And times when I am praying I am aware that I may be more concerned about saying the right thing than I am focussed on what I am praying for or towards. I feel lost, nothing comes into my head, my mind goes blank. I try and think of something to pray that someone hasn't already prayed but inevitably someone one a prayer roll covers every conceivable angle. And I feel blocked out. Wishing that I just had the word in front of me or that the prayer time would be over. I find it frustrating because I feel like I should contribute and there are times that I really do want to contribute but the introversion and anxiety get the better of me.

I think that there has to be space for all to feel they can bring their worship whatever that may be and for the introvert that may be be sitting silently and reading or creating. When I lead worship I always tried to create space for people to meet with God where they are at, because I have been in services where the worship leader has ordered the congregation to lift their hands up or sing out uninhibited praise. I agree that we should be unashamed and without inhibition when we bring our worship to God but on the other hand it has to be from who you are as a personality, we can't all be like King David, stripping naked and dancing in the aisles.... (try explaining that to newcomers). Sometimes people need to just sit and be still and that is OK. And actually a lot of people don't feel comfortable singing.

So whilst I hope that this anthology whilst being a helpful resource for use in general worship, I hope that it will also something that people can just sit and read and quietly dwell upon and engage with during worship times, or that it may be something that people can read out from in worship or prayer times instead of having to worry about bringing a prayer or a tongue, or even that it can be used for quiet meditative worship with copies handed out. But just that it will be a way in for quieter types who want to contribute in group worship, however that looks.

That's enough for now, until next time.

Dan